you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
