I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
