There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
