anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize