nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
