note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
