Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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