how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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