theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
