I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
