Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
