Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
