Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
