I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
