ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
