So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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