the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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