why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
