Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
