I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
