Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
