My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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