You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
