i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
