so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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