genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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