6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
