Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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