where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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