My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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