did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
