So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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