there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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