May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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