Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I forget how to act sober
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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