I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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