two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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