Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
