so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
