It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
