i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
honey bunches of taint.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
