I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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