You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
