You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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