Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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