I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
