I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
