there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
