there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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