I'm going to jail i love you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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