The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
