I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
