Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
