Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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