Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sponge bath it is.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
