woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
