i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize