it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
