Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
