you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
