You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
