he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
