First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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