yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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