i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
