Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
