It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
