another moral hangover. fuck.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
