even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
