woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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