He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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